Meet The Cookies
better than s*x
Everything But the Candles
The Madonna
When Life Gives You Lemons
The Floor is Lava
Macadamnia
The James Dean
WHAT THE F*CK Velvet
Not Today Mr Muffin Man
Netflix and Crunch
S'Mores Sans Campfire
Donkey Kong
Have Your Churro & Eat It Too
Creme de la Crumb
Raspberry Beret
God Save Violet
The Mint Royale
S'Mores Sans Campfire
Have Your Churro & Eat It Too
Creme de la Crumb
Raspberry Beret
God Save Violet
The Mint Royale
better than s*x
A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE SO GOOD YOUR GRANDMOTHER WILL DISOWN YOU
Do not (we repeat, do not) let your grandmother try this cookie. She’s a good woman and a good baker. We, personally, think the world of her. But, let’s face it… she’s also as prideful as Prized Shih Tzu. And, she has a temper, too. You saw what she did to your grandfather a few Thanksgivings ago. The way she lurched across the table like a Tiger and ran a fork through his forearm, for adding a bit of salt to his stuffing. The poor fool should have known better.
Three variations of chocolate: dark chocolate, rich chocolate and milk chocolate. A mix of both chips and chunks for textural variation. Caramelized butter based dough with the slightest hint of coffee to leave your taste buds guessing. Maldon sea salt, just a pinch, to make you salivate and balance the sweetness.
Everything But the Candles
IT'S YA BIRTHDAY
You don’t need candles on your birthday cake. It never bodes well. It’s a fumbling race to light the things, it defaces the cake, it’s a public health calamity and, not to mention, if folks thought melted wax was tastey you’d see more customers in Yankee Candle with spoons in their hands, digging into a jar of “Autumn Wreath” like a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. So, this year, do yourself a favor, do all of us a favor: lose the candles and just eat this birthday cake cookie instead.
Cake batter. Why? Uhm… because it’s a birthday cake cookie? Caramelized butter because it’s way tastier (and boujier) than regular butter. Vanilla frosting because everyone hates the asshat that shows up to the Birthday party with some super random icing flavor. Oh, and there is also confetti and sprinkles because we’re celebrating your pretty face.
The Madonna
LIKE A PEANUT BUTTER THUNDERSTORM, IN YOUR MOUTH
There is a secret underground society of peanut butter lovers called the Adult Peanut Butter Lovers Fan Club. Members include Bill Clinton and Madonna. We named this cookie the latter for obvious reasons. She’s hotter. With most Peanut Butter Cookies you get but a faint tickle of Peanut Butter. With The Madonna, you’ll feel like you’re caught in a delicious peanut butter thunderstorm.
Peanut Butter, always natural. Peanut Butter cups and chips. Peanut Butter Swirl. Milk Chocolate. Maldon Sea Salt, sprinkled to taste.
When Life Gives You Lemons
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS YOU MAKE LEMON BAR COOKIES
This cookie is as Lemony as Snickett. It’ll make your sucker pucker. Goddamn, that last bit was just wildly inappropriate. Anyway, while most lemon bars are as underwhelming as a week-old party balloon, our Lemon Bar Cookie actually tastes like lemons are at the party. We're not talking about the bitter old woman at the party either. In fact, these lemon bar cookies pack enough zest to knock her dupa right off the couch. We’ll shut the hell up and let the ingredients speak for themselves.
Lemon, obviously. Lemon Zest (for zest). Marshmallow and vanilla chips to add some fluffy, gooey, fatty sweetness to that zest.
The Floor is Lava
A CHOCOLATE-Y EXPLOSION
Do you remember playing The Floor Is Lava as kids and there’d always be that little punk that'd lie about not touching the floor? Oh. Okay. Sick. Karen has intergalactic lava boots, everyone. Anyway, we’ve created a chocolate lava cake called The Floor Is Lava because it just sounds better. This cookie is chocolate everything and stuffed with a thick chocolate Ganache that will leave your taste buds feeling like they’re on another planet… like Karen’s boots.
Milk chocolate. Dark chocolate. Dutch chocolate. Okay, now we’re just showing off. Espresso, just a hint not enough to leave you jumping off the walls like you’re playing the floor is lava. And, in the center of all of it there is ooey-gooey chocolate core made of ganache, just a fancy schmancy word for chocolate cream.
Macadamnia
BECAUSE "WHITE CHOCOLATE SALTED CARAMEL MACADAMIA" IS A MOUTHFUL AND WE WANTED AN EXCUSE TO SAY DAMN
If we know anything about White Chocolate Macadamia Cookies, it’s that everyone's old man seems to love them. We’re not sure what it is but as soon as men turn forty they suddenly start rocking white New Balances and choosing White Chocolate Macadamia over Chocolate Chip. We’re lowering the age threshold here by breathing some life into this nostalgic cookie… with some salted caramel.
Macadamia Nuts, toasted. Butter, caramelized. Caramel, salted. Extra rich thick cut white chocolate chunks. A nice sprinkling of Maldon Sea Salt.
The James Dean
DAMN HANDSOME & ALL AMERICAN
Jimmy just got turned down by the girl of his dreams, Susie. He asks her if she wants to grab a milkshake after the game. She says no on account of her crush on the star quarterback… Classic. Post-rejection Jimmy trudges down to the diner all by his lonesome. He hears the roar of the stadium in the distance, envisioning Susie cheering on her knight in shining armor. He orders an Oreo milkshake. Years later, Susie’s claim to fame is the time she turned down an Oreo Milkshake with James Dean.
Milk, malted. Malt balls. Light Cocoa. Chocolate, both white and semi-sweet. Oreo’s, in fat chunks because no one likes Oreo pixy-dust.
WHAT THE F*CK Velvet
NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT FLAVOR IS RED VELVET?
Red Velvet is a complicated flavor most folks can’t put their finger on… besides maybe your slightly robust aunt who let’s out tiny moans of delight with each forkful at Christmas. Anyway, because of its difficult complicated taste, it’s notorious for being the most “half-assed” dessert in the bakery. Most bakers just take a chocolate cake, drench it with red food coloring and call it a day. Not us.
Apple Cider Vinegar (for the twang). Buttermilk powder (for more twang). Light cocoa base (for a sweet twang). Homemade extra velvety cream cheese frosting to make your taste buds feel like they’re on an emotional roller-coaster. Red food coloring? Go f*ck yourself.
Not Today Mr Muffin Man
THE MUFFIN MAN... YEAH, HE LIVES ON DRURY LANE
Blueberries are far too damn good to be limited to muffins, bundt cakes and strange childhood hymns. Or, at least, this was the story we told ourselves when we drank so much whiskey we decided to take on the Muffin Man with our take on a blueberry muffin cookie. Let’s just say it was a sweet success. You really see the true colors of someone when they deal with adversity and you wouldn’t believe how he’s been acting. The Muffin Man is a real johnny raincloud when things aren’t going his way.
Wild blueberries from Maine or somewhere near Maine. Those same wild blueberries made into a puree. And, of course, streusel. Crafted on Drury Lane directly across from the Muffin Man’s headquarters.
Netflix and Crunch
NO MORE MILK DRAUGHTS...
We’ve all been there. Netflix on pause, tip-toeing into the kitchen and rifling through the cabinets until we stumble upon a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, glowing, like a dream come true. We pour a heaping bowl, swing open the fridge and to our horror, spy not a single drip of milk anywhere in sight. We’re in denial, we search in desperation, tears in our eyes... That’s why we’ve made a Cinnamon Toast Crunch cookie with a vanilla milk swirl included. You’re welcome.
Cinnamon, duh. Sugar, duh. Everything nice, duh. Cinnamon streusel, cinnamon graham cracker crust and a generous vanilla milk swirl because we fucking love you. Oh, and we stuff the damn thing with a cinnamon bun filling because we’re deviants.
S'Mores Sans Campfire
GIMME S'MORE
Sorry, granny, there's just no excuse for a subpar S’mores cookie. The chocolate shouldn’t be as hard as a rock and the graham cracker shouldn’t be soggy like a grubby little two-year-old has been using it to teethe. No, a S’mores cookie needs to hit like a proper toe toaster. We’re talking cookie dough crafted from graham crackers. We’re talking velvety milk chocolate, stupid soft, like it’s been sitting near a fire. We’re talking a massive torched marshmallow to top the whole thing off.
Fat, fluffy marshmallows, toasted. Dark chocolate for bite. Milk chocolate for love. Cinnamon Graham cracker crust (because what’s a S’more without some Graham Crackers). And, a drizzle of dark chocolate to add the perfect amount of bite.
Donkey Kong
THE BEST DAMN BANANA DESSERT ON THE PLANET
We love all our cookies with an oven-hot fiery passion. However, if tomorrow Zeus sent down a thunderbolt that sent our cookie factory into a blaze, and we could only save one recipe, it’d be our Banana Cream Pie. In the words of our head chef, “Our Banana Cream Pie cookie is the best damn cookie we have.” Real, ripe, electric yellow, peel-to-eat bananas accompanied by velvety marshmallows, voluptuous pudding, vanilla wafers and white chocolate chips that melt as soon as they touch your tongue.
Marshmallows, thick. Pudding, extra-thick. Ivory white chocolate. Crispy (never soggy) vanilla wafers. Banana. Like, the actual banana not the fake kind that our chemists will have to lie about years down the road. We don’t even have chemists.
Have Your Churro & Eat It Too
NO CHURROS WERE HARMED IN THE BAKING OF THIS COOKIE
There’s a lot to hate about a Churro. For one, they’re messy as hell. You lay into a Churro for a couple of minutes and you’d swear you had just worked a double shift at Cinnabon. For two, they’re a real bear to transport. Try and fit one in a bag or purse. For three, they’re never consistent. You never know if the person actually making the Churro views the Churro as a beloved art form or a money-making venture churning out sugary fried dough for, well, dough. So, we’ve done the world a service, done away with all the bad of the Churro and we’ve doubled down on the good.
If you think Disney knows a thing or two about Churros, you’ve obviously never sat down at the dessert table with us. At first glance, our Churro cookie seems pretty straightforward: Cinnamon, sugar, butter. But then, like your pretentious friend who did one semester abroad in France and returned wearing a beret... Feuilletine. What the hell is Feuilletine, you ask? Like your one pretentious friend, we’re so glad that you asked. It’s a crispy French pastry made from sweetened crepes. All of this deliciousness is then filled with a Dulche De Leche cream filling. Because, what’s a Churro without something delectable to dunk it in?
Creme de la Crumb
MILK'S NEW FAVORITE COOKIE
Cookies and Cream is a flavor of dessert made with chocolate sandwich cookies stuffed with a sweet, fairly thick, putty-like cream. If that reads like the definition of an Oreo, that’s because it is. The cookie is so widely beloved by Americans that they’ve coined themselves “Milk’s Favorite Cookie.” And, while we respect the heck out of Oreo, they’ve been ruling for over a century now and we feel it’s time for someone else to sit on the throne. Meet milk’s new favorite cookie... Creme de la Crumb.
Oreos and a whole lot of them. Oreo Filling Swirl made in-house to fill in the gaps. Chocolate, semisweet like you. Layers and layers of Vanilla Buttercream. And, to top it all of, a homemade Oreo Crumble.
Raspberry Beret
ONE BITE WILL LEAVE YOU SCREAMING “CHEESUS CHRIST”
The beret is the most versatile accessory in existence. It’s as much creative, thoughtful and introspective as it is bold, rebellious and uniquely badass. It’s been worn by artists the likes of Picasso, Rembrandt, Monet and Cezanne. It’s been the calling card for political revolutionaries like the Black Panthers. It has sat atop the heads of special forces ranging from the United States Green Berets all the way to Denmark’s Jægerkorpset. It’s been the headpiece of one Prince’s many muses, “She wore a rassssspppberry beret…”
Lemon zest so zesty it'd make a lime sweat. Homemade raspberry jam. White chocolate (and we aren't talking Jason Williams). House-made raspberry-infused caramel you'd kiss your cousin for. And light, decadent dough that belongs to neither a pie nor a cake but instead... a cookie.
God Save Violet
R.I.P. MISS BEAUREGARDE
When you think about it, the mortifying scene in Willy Wonka where Wiolet eats the forbidden gum and blows up into a giant blueberry was stolen from the bible. The devious Wonka was the snake (he secretly wanted her to try the gum), poor Violet was Eve and that 3-course dinner gum was the apple. Tar and feather us but we’re team Violet. Imagine if the greatest culinary mastermind in the world told you that he had designed a gum that tastes like a 3-course dinner. What the hell would you do? You’d pop the gum in your mouth just like you’re about to do this cookie.
House-made blueberry filling crafted from fresh organic blueberries and dried wild blueberries for a chewy brightness. Graham cracker dough topped with brown butter cobbler crumbles because all anybody actually cares about is the crust.
The Mint Royale
THE MINTY TRUTH BEHIND A CULINARY CLASSIC
Ever wonder who got stoned and came up with the idea of mint chocolate chip ice cream? Back in 1973, Princess Anne––the one and only daughter of Queen Elizabeth II (RIP)––was getting married to a dude named Mark. She wanted the perfect dessert for her big day. So, she held a challenge. A culinary student by the name of Marilyn Ricketts concocted a mint-infused chocolate chip ice cream she dubbed the “Mint Royale”. It won the competition. Its deliciousness, however, wasn’t enough to sustain the young lovers for the long haul. They got divorced.
Mint stolen from the Queen's garden. Semisweet chocolate, shaved. Chocolate ganache (this is just a fancy word for the chocolately gooeyness that flows out of lava cakes). Finally, mint vanilla ice cream flavored dough so delicious it'll save your marriage.
S'Mores Sans Campfire
GIMME S'MORESorry, granny, there's just no excuse for a subpar S’mores cookie. The chocolate shouldn’t be as hard as a rock and the graham cracker shouldn’t be soggy like a grubby little two-year-old has been using it to teethe. No, a S’mores cookie needs to hit like a proper toe toaster. We’re talking cookie dough crafted from graham crackers. We’re talking velvety milk chocolate, stupid soft, like it’s been sitting near a fire. We’re talking a massive torched marshmallow to top the whole thing off.
Fat, fluffy marshmallows, toasted. Dark chocolate for bite. Milk chocolate for love. Cinnamon Graham cracker crust (because what’s a S’more without some Graham Crackers). And, a drizzle of dark chocolate to add the perfect amount of bite.
Have Your Churro & Eat It Too
NO CHURROS WERE HARMED IN THE BAKING OF THIS COOKIEThere’s a lot to hate about a Churro. For one, they’re messy as hell. You lay into a Churro for a couple of minutes and you’d swear you had just worked a double shift at Cinnabon. For two, they’re a real bear to transport. Try and fit one in a bag or purse. For three, they’re never consistent. You never know if the person actually making the Churro views the Churro as a beloved art form or a money-making venture churning out sugary fried dough for, well, dough. So, we’ve done the world a service, done away with all the bad of the Churro and we’ve doubled down on the good.
If you think Disney knows a thing or two about Churros, you’ve obviously never sat down at the dessert table with us. At first glance, our Churro cookie seems pretty straightforward: Cinnamon, sugar, butter. But then, like your pretentious friend who did one semester abroad in France and returned wearing a beret... Feuilletine. What the hell is Feuilletine, you ask? Like your one pretentious friend, we’re so glad that you asked. It’s a crispy French pastry made from sweetened crepes. All of this deliciousness is then filled with a Dulche De Leche cream filling. Because, what’s a Churro without something delectable to dunk it in?
Creme de la Crumb
MILK'S NEW FAVORITE COOKIECookies and Cream is a flavor of dessert made with chocolate sandwich cookies stuffed with a sweet, fairly thick, putty-like cream. If that reads like the definition of an Oreo, that’s because it is. The cookie is so widely beloved by Americans that they’ve coined themselves “Milk’s Favorite Cookie.” And, while we respect the heck out of Oreo, they’ve been ruling for over a century now and we feel it’s time for someone else to sit on the throne. Meet milk’s new favorite cookie... Creme de la Crumb.
Oreos and a whole lot of them. Oreo Filling Swirl made in-house to fill in the gaps. Chocolate, semisweet like you. Layers and layers of Vanilla Buttercream. And, to top it all of, a homemade Oreo Crumble.
Raspberry Beret
ONE BITE WILL LEAVE YOU SCREAMING “CHEESUS CHRIST”The beret is the most versatile accessory in existence. It’s as much creative, thoughtful and introspective as it is bold, rebellious and uniquely badass. It’s been worn by artists the likes of Picasso, Rembrandt, Monet and Cezanne. It’s been the calling card for political revolutionaries like the Black Panthers. It has sat atop the heads of special forces ranging from the United States Green Berets all the way to Denmark’s Jægerkorpset. It’s been the headpiece of one Prince’s many muses, “She wore a rassssspppberry beret…”
Lemon zest so zesty it'd make a lime sweat. Homemade raspberry jam. White chocolate (and we aren't talking Jason Williams). House-made raspberry-infused caramel you'd kiss your cousin for. And light, decadent dough that belongs to neither a pie nor a cake but instead... a cookie.
God Save Violet
R.I.P. MISS BEAUREGARDEWhen you think about it, the mortifying scene in Willy Wonka where Wiolet eats the forbidden gum and blows up into a giant blueberry was stolen from the bible. The devious Wonka was the snake (he secretly wanted her to try the gum), poor Violet was Eve and that 3-course dinner gum was the apple. Tar and feather us but we’re team Violet. Imagine if the greatest culinary mastermind in the world told you that he had designed a gum that tastes like a 3-course dinner. What the hell would you do? You’d pop the gum in your mouth just like you’re about to do this cookie.
House-made blueberry filling crafted from fresh organic blueberries and dried wild blueberries for a chewy brightness. Graham cracker dough topped with brown butter cobbler crumbles because all anybody actually cares about is the crust.
The Mint Royale
THE MINTY TRUTH BEHIND A CULINARY CLASSICEver wonder who got stoned and came up with the idea of mint chocolate chip ice cream? Back in 1973, Princess Anne––the one and only daughter of Queen Elizabeth II (RIP)––was getting married to a dude named Mark. She wanted the perfect dessert for her big day. So, she held a challenge. A culinary student by the name of Marilyn Ricketts concocted a mint-infused chocolate chip ice cream she dubbed the “Mint Royale”. It won the competition. Its deliciousness, however, wasn’t enough to sustain the young lovers for the long haul. They got divorced.
Mint stolen from the Queen's garden. Semisweet chocolate, shaved. Chocolate ganache (this is just a fancy word for the chocolately gooeyness that flows out of lava cakes). Finally, mint vanilla ice cream flavored dough so delicious it'll save your marriage.
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