Cut from the film was Forrest Gump’s quest to find Momma’s favorite dessert in southwest Germany’s verdant Black Forest. In between all the ping pong and sitting on park benches, Forrest put on some lederhosen and walked amongst the trees until he came to a cottage at the edge of a clearing. Before long, a kindly old woman offered him a slice of homemade cake. “I think this is what you’re looking for,” she said.

Do not (we repeat, do not) let your grandmother try this cookie. She’s a good woman and a good baker. We, personally, think the world of her. But, let’s face it… she’s also as prideful as Prized Shih Tzu.

There was a period in history, not that long ago, when humanity decided to BeDazzle the shit out of everything. Purses were BeDazzled. Binders were BeDazzled. Jeans, cat collars, underwear—all BeDazzled. This is how we feel about the fad of chocolate-covered fruits (looking at you, Edible Arrangements). Pineapple, in our humble opinion, is way too juicy of a fruit to be covered in a hard chocolate shell. Grapes are perfectly delicious on their own. Anyone covering raisins in chocolate should be sent to bed early with no supper. Strawberries, however, are a different story, as you’ll soon discover.

We’ve all been there. Netflix on pause, tip-toeing into the kitchen and rifling through the cabinets until we stumble upon a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, glowing, like a dream come true.

Red Velvet is a complicated flavor most folks can’t put their finger on… besides maybe your slightly robust aunt who lets out tiny moans of delight with each forkful at Christmas. Most bakers just take a chocolate cake, drench it with red food coloring and call it a day. Not us—we do the whole shabang.

While the rippers and Jerry’s shred the gnar, there’s a cold-hating social club of spouses who are more than happy to hang back at the lodge. Puffer coats and fluffy boots. Aperol spritz and crostini. They pretend to read books and pop in earbuds but don’t play any music. Keeping cozy by the fire, watching idiots waddle-attempt stairs in ski boots.

Picture this: You arrive curbside at the airport where a white-gloved valet takes your bag and personally deposits it in your reserved overhead compartment. You high-five TSA as you waltz through security. The gate agent surprises you with a first-class upgrade and takes you to your seat. The pilot tips his cap and tells you this flight will be child-free and depart 15 minutes early. Then, it arrives: your in-flight delicacy. You take a bite, zonk out, and wake up at your destination.

This cookie is chocolate everything and stuffed with a thick chocolate Ganache that will leave your taste buds feeling like they’re on another planet…

Jimmy just got turned down by the girl of his dreams, Susie. Post-rejection Jimmy heads to the diner and orders an Oreo milkshake. Years later, Susie’s claim to fame is the time she turned down an Oreo Milkshake with James Dean.

Ever wonder who got stoned and came up with the idea of mint chocolate chip ice cream? Back in 1973, Princess Anne—the one and only daughter of Queen Elizabeth II (RIP)—was getting married to a dude named Mark. She wanted the perfect dessert for her big day. So, she held a challenge. A culinary student by the name of Marilyn Ricketts concocted a mint-infused chocolate chip ice cream she dubbed the “mint royale”. It won the competition.

We’re talking cookie dough crafted from graham crackers — velvety milk chocolate, stupid soft, like it’s been sitting near a fire — and a massive torched marshmallow to top the whole thing off.

We aren’t historians. We are bakers. So, some or all of this may or may not be fictional. The Queen of Sheba loved nuts. But, there was one particular nut she loved more than any other nut... The Pistachio. She loved Pistachios so much that she took her country’s entire harvest for her and her royal court. Cherish this Pistachio cookie, because if you were caught with it at the wrong time in history, you would have ended up in prison sharing a bunk with a leper.